Monday, October 18, 2010

Soothing the Beast

I'm used to temper tantrums. My soon to be four year old has had many, many tantrums. My soon to be two year old has already started and is well on her way to matching her brother in the Tantrum Hall of Fame. So yes, I'm used to dealing with them.

Except my own.

The past few days have been hard. I miss my dear husband terribly, and though there is only two weeks before he comes home, it feels like eternity. And today? Today was...topped off by my very own 28 year old version of a temper tantrum.

Today after lunch was great. We had a visit from a good friend, and it seemed like the time just flew by.

But this afternoon was not so much fun. Ladybug has decided it's great fun to get into everything, and Fritter has decided he must defend his toys to the nth degree whenever she is around. And though I really tried to fight it, I couldn't stop from being frustrated.

Tonight we sat down to pray our rosary after dinner (which was brought by another great friend, and I'm so thankful because I don't think I would have managed it tonight), and the kids started fighting over the rosaries, and then Ladybug was having a marvelous time tossing hers in the air, and then the rosary box spilled, and I did what any three year old would do in this situation. I cried. I sent the kids to the playroom and I cried. And then I stopped and remembered how old I was and that I was the mother, not the child. And I decided to pray instead. And when I gathered my wits about me, I called the children back in, apologized for sending them away so abruptly, and we calmly settled back in to pray.

Do you know what mystery we are supposed to reflect on today? The joyful mysteries. That's right. Joyful. And half way through the first joyful mystery (the Annunciation) I was truly calmed. And reveling in the smoothness of my children's arms next to me, and feeling our new child move inside me. By the second mystery (the Visitation) I could be joyful myself, thankful for the wonderful friends who have stepped up to help us while my husband is gone. I could smile again. I remembered how much I love my children, how much I love being home with them, and teaching them, and just how funny they really are. And I could hear my son keeping pace with the Hail Mary's with me, and I marveled in the gift of faith that God has given us.

I didn't come away with any great revelation after putting my children to bed. But I was able to finish the evening with them on a positive note; snuggles, a story, prayers, and kisses goodnight. And that's probably more important.

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