Friday, April 4, 2008

Dad and Baby

Thank you all for your continuing prayers. We got home after an uneventful trip on Wednesday night. My father-in-laws funeral was Tuesday. It was very nice, and the church was packed. This has been harder on me than I expected. I have had other family members die before, and while I felt sad, it was never like this.

Every time I do something, I'll get a memory of him. For example, at their house in Wyoming, they have a coffee cup from the Farmer's Almanac. The front of it says something like, "Daughter's should be taught to cook, sew, clean, and do other important tasks. Sons should be useful and observing about the farm." To tease me, he would give me that cup, and then put his arm around my dh and say (in a fake voice), "Sons should be useful and observing about the farm." In the few short years that I have been a part of this family, he treated me more like a daughter than my own father ever did. I'm just so sad. But I know that he's better now and not suffering.

In other news, I have my first doctor's appointment today. It's a little early, I'm only around 5 weeks, but my doctor only takes two VBAC's a month, and already has one booked for November. Since my due date falls December 5, they want me in now, so I can guarantee my spot with her. I'm not even entirely sure that she's who I want to go with, but if she is I need to make sure I can get her. Her VBAC rate is only around 40%. But she practices like a midwife, and she is very holistic. Unfortunately, that usually goes hand in hand with being very liberal. She was the doctor I had when I had my miscarriage back in August, and I wasn't all that thrilled with the care I received. Then again, I'm not really sure what I should expect. She does deliver at a hospital that is somewhat close to me that also has a more hands off approach, and she encourages laboring at home even during a VBAC, which is very hard to find.

There are two Catholic doctors in town. The first does not do VBAC's because he is the only doctor in his practice. The other is quite away's from me, and he doesn't deliver at the good hospital. Can you tell I don't really trust doctor's? I think a good doctor is hard to find. I've found that many of them are so worried about themselves and being sued, that they make it hard on the rest of us.

In my opinion, that was part of the reason for my C-section in the first place. My midwife (the only one in town) went out of town the day I went into labor with Fritter. I wanted everything to be as natural as possible, but the one doctor that I really didn't trust was the one on call that night. He has a very high C-section rate. So high, in fact, that some people call him the tailor.

The moment I walked into the hospital, I was on edge. I labored at home for quite a while before going in, and did very well on my own. I was dilated to 7cm. But, the nurses laid me in bed and strapped monitors to me, because now I was HIS patient. Needless to say, my labor stalled. Fritter's heart rate went crazy and the doctor immediately said I needed a C-section.

There was no encouragement before all this to get out of bed and move, and this being my first baby (and being scared of the hospital) I didn't really think to do it myself. So he called in the team, and even though it was an "emergency" it took them a half-hour to even get me in the operating room, let alone to prep me. *Sigh*

So now I have the added bonus of finding not just a good doctor, but one willing to allow me to have a VBAC. We cannot have a midwife, unless a doctor is willing to be at the hospital the whole time and take no part unless there was a rupture or something. Not very many doctors are willing to take a back-seat. So I'm hoping this doctor will be the next best thing.

Another thing I'm worried about is because this is such an early appointment, they could still want to do an ultrasound. That's all well and good, but I don't think I could handle not hearing the baby's heartbeat, even if everything is ok. So if that's what they want to do, I may ask that we wait until my next appointment.

One very cute thing. My dear husband is so concerned for me and the baby, that he prioritized things for me. He said that first I take care of myself and our little one. If I'm taking a nap when he comes home from work that's a good thing. Second is taking care of Fritter. Third is taking care of the house. He doesn't want me grocery shopping, and good walks should wait until after the first three months. So he's going to do the grocery shopping, and any walks I take cannot be long and strenuous. No lifting, except Fritter. I could get used to this. :-)


Anonymous said...


It warmed my heart to hear how your dh is taking such good care of you! I am praying for you in your quest for the right doctor. I still feel so bad about all that you went through during the birth of little fritter. Keep your chin up, dear one. I know God will take good care of you, and help you find the doctor you need.
It made me sad reading about those sweet memories you have of your father-in-law. You are all continually in our prayers, as we know this has to be such a tough time.


Michelle said...

In a few months, perhaps, look into finding a doula if you can afford one. It is nice to have a "sane" advocate for you when you are in labor - someone who knows what you want and is not afraid to push the doctor for your birth plan.

alicia said...

It makes me totally crazy how insanely the medical profession has become about VBAC - and it is all based on a totally bogus piece of 'research' from the birth certificate data in the state of WA (and at the time of that 'research', cytotec was being used like candy).
God bless you in your search for quality care. It makes me crazy too, to leave town, but even though I am the only midwife in my practice, I still need to have a life......

Jen @ said...

Hi! 40% is not a good rate, but I think you already know that. This is a great resource for finding VBAC supportive providers: Also keep in mind that there are traveling midwives who attend VBACs. There are a few on the ICAN email support group which you can join here: I had a wonderful VBAC in my home 4 months ago attended by a midwife. It is so worth the effort, plannning, and work! You can read my birth story at If you want to chat, you can email me through the website. Sending you positive labor vibes,
Jen :)