Friday, January 11, 2008

Fear and Trust

The meditation in the Magnificat today asks us to find what it is we are afraid of. "What is it that we're frightened of? Because from fear and anguish can rise hate and from hate can rise war."

It didn't take long for me to admit that I fear being left alone. I fear everyone I love being taken from me. I fear instability. Because of this fear, I have become rigid. I thrive on schedules, and if something is disorderly (or I sense that any certain action or inaction could cause disorder) I put a stop to it immediately. My son is not really old enough to feel any effects of this (yet) but my husband is and does. I am a pest, a nag, a badgering wife. And while my heart is usually good, my husband doesn't always see that.

With a deeper look into myself, I find that I am the one causing instability. Not my husband, not my mother, not the cat next door. Me. I need to remember that even if the worst things that could happen did, I would not be alone. Christ is with me. He loves me. And he carries me through any storm. He has. And he will do it again. I have to trust Him. Trust in others will naturally flow from this. And the fear that breeds my anger will melt away.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
whom should I fear?
The Lord is my life's refuge;
of whom should I be afraid?
When evildoers come at me
to devour my flesh,
My foes and my enemies
themselves stumble and fall.
Though an army encamp against me,
my heart will not fear;
Though war be waged upon me,
even then will I trust.
--Psalm 27

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