Friday, October 12, 2007

Thy will be done

Now that I am done with formatting for the time being, I will let you in on how I'm doing.

Last night was a hard night. Since my miscarriage on August 20th, my cycles have been wacky. I've been trying to track them with my NFP, and I thought that things were going back to normal, but alas, it looks like a new cycle has begun. So thoughts of "is this normal after a miscarriage" began running through my head, and being the emotional person I am, ended up as, "This isn't normal, I'm not going to be able to have more kids, Fritter needs siblings, I want a big family" ect. These types of thoughts easily take over a persons mind, unfortunately. I know that I just need to follow God's will. So what if I can't have anymore babies, I have Fritter, and we can adopt. I guess it's just frustrating to me, because there are so many people who are not open to having babies ( I think we know where that discussion could lead) and here we are, completely open.

It's supposed to be about God's will though right, not mine? And, this could really be totally normal. I just don't know. DH was very comforting to me last night, and for that I am grateful. He is so logical, and sometimes that is what I need is for someone to talk me down from my emotional cliff. I know these doubts are the Enemy's way of getting to me, and trying to pull me from Christ. It's so easy to just start blaming God and doctor's for anything and everything, instead of just offering up my small amount of suffering (small in comparison with Christ's).

I really need to work on that. Becoming aware of my short-comings is not an easy task for me. I suppose that's where prayer comes in. Asking for the grace to accept his will (Thy will be done) and the grace to improve and love Him more.

No comments: