Friday, October 26, 2007

Getting Motivated

For the past couple of weeks, I have really been having a tough time getting motivated in the mornings. I'm still awake at the same time everyday, as I pack a lunch for DH before he goes off to work, and we still go to bed about the same time every night. So that hasn't changed, but something in me has. Once I get going finally, I get done what needs to be done, but without the fun I used to have doing it. I used to take pride when I finished a task, now I am looking at it as yet another thing I will have to redo. Bad attitude, huh? The evenings have become especially tough for me. I am grumpy and tired, and would prefer to just sit on my duff and stare at the TV. That is obviously not an option, however, and I voice my enthusiasm with impatience.

What is wrong with me? I've wondered. I know what I'm doing, but stopping my bad attitude is another story. Last evening after dinner, I needed time. Time to myself, to sit on my bed and do absolutely nothing. That's when it came to me. What has been different in my day is that before, I would wake up, make DH's lunch, and then sit on the couch and begin my morning prayers. Then I would plan my day under God's direction in prayer. And before Fritter woke up, I would even get in a small workout. I would even sneak in some extra prayer time throughout my day. This is what has changed. Lately I have been skipping out on my prayers completely. I have not been planning my day in Christ. I have been grumbling around with a chip on my shoulder.

I once read this article about burn-out. This was right after Fritter was born, when I was still in those "perfect life" days. I could not imagine ever getting burned out. I read the article anyway, because it looked interesting. Lately, some of the words written have been running through my head. "Burnout occurs when we are out of sync with God. It happens when we shoulder a yoke that is not His." What does this mean? I wondered. How could I be doing something that is out of sync with God. I am staying home with my son, keeping a clean house, fixing dinner for my family, researching ways to be a better wife and mother, along with the other countless tasks we all find ourselves doing daily.

The truth is, it wasn't something I was doing that was out of sync with God. It was something I wasn't doing. I was not offering my day up to him. I had an agenda. My agenda. And then I just got burned out. I have not be smiling, laughing, and enjoying life and my son. I have been grumpy, and tired, and making sure everyone in my family knew that. And then I could not see how I could possibly add in something else. Wouldn't that just use up more minutes of the day? Minutes I could be using sitting on the couch in the morning being grumpy. Yeah, you see the irony.

So today, I woke up, made DH his lunch, sat on the couch and said my morning prayers. Then I made coffee, turned off the news, and turned on EWTN. The rosary was on, so I grabbed Fritter's baby rosary, and my own, and sat on the floor with Fritter and said the rosary. And when he crawled away from me to explore something that needed exploring, I still said it, and I smiled at him when he explored my rosary, and played with his own. I am going to try to take a more relaxed look at things. And I am going to continue saying my morning prayers. Because I do not function without them. I am nothing without Christ.

Have a blessed day!

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