Friday, December 19, 2008

The Case For Humility

I've mentioned before that I am a very prideful person, and unfortunately it affects every aspect of my life. It seems that right now, God is really wanting me to learn some humility.

Case #1: It started when my MIL was here. She was so helpful, and wanted to do everything she could to help me. When she asked what she could do, my brain would run through the list I wanted to get done and say to myself, "Well, the laundry needs folded, but it would be strange to have someone else fold my laundry. The dishwasher needs loaded/unloaded, but I can do that myself, ect. ect." I had a hard time just letting someone help me, even when I needed it.

Case #2: On Wednesday, my doula came over for our postpartum visit. Part of her package is that during this visit she'll do some light housework. This is part of what we paid for, but when she asked what she could do, my automatic response was nothing, that I had it all under control. It was obvious that I did not, and had barely managed to get dressed that morning. But she persisted and asked if vacuuming would help. I said a quick prayer and told her it would. She told me to just relax while she took care of it. Well, that didn't happen, "What will she think of how dirty my floor is, just look at that piece of lint there!" But I did get a vacuumed floor out of it.

Case #3: After being up most of the night with a grunty Ladybug, I was extremely grumpy the next morning. I don't function very well without sleep and unfortunately, my family suffers as well. When my dh asked why I didn't ask for his help, and told him that since he had to get up and work the next morning, he needed his sleep. "Besides, what kind of a wife and mother would I be if I can't even do this?"

I realized just how prideful I've been when I received an email from my hubby that morning, reading in part: I know how badly you want to be able to cope with this on your own, but we need to work together at night. I got about 3 hours of sleep last night, but I would have gladly helped you in the process. I don't care about missing some sleep at night if it can get Maggie and/or you to sleep longer. You operate so much better off quality sleep that it is in everyone's best interest to make sure you get that. So true.

So last night, I humbly accepted help. While I laid down to go to sleep for the night after nursing Ladybug, my Dh stayed up a short while longer to burp her and keep her upright. It took me some time to actually fall asleep, though. Feelings of irrational guilt kept me awake. But I eventually did sleep, and the night went so well that I really didn't have a need to wake my hubby. The whole house actually got some much needed sleep. I'm learning that things actually run smoother when I take offered help that I need.

I'm sure there will be more opportunities to practice this form of humility. I think God knows that I'm a slow learner. ;-)

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